My Query Letter

Actually, just the last two paragraphs. I've participated in a bunch of stuff to polish up my query of late and it has, seriously, been critiqued to the bone. I've learned something. Queries are much like manuscripts. You will not please everyone, no matter how hard you try. I've gotten so many conflicting opinions -- (Things like, "How did Finna become guardian? We need to know so we understand why she's not very powerful." VS. "How Finna became the guardian is unnecessary. Cut it. Just let us know what her responsibility is. *Ranee` runs screaming from the computer, vowing to NEVER WRITE ANOTHER QUERY AGAIN.*)


SO. Right now, I have it trimmed to what I think is its best (so far, yeah, yeah, I know. I'll revise probably a million more times. Don't talk to me about that right now). And the only thing I need to know: Is the last sentence conclusive enough to end it.

Which is why I'm only pasting in two paragraphs. I don't really need ... okay, okay, I mean want; who knows what I need anymore ... I don't really need another full query critique. Comment on all of it if you must. I won't be mad. There's a good chance I won't listen, but I won't be mad. :D

That said, please help me.

With her unexceptional powers, Finna can't expose Parlan as a fraud. She needs help, and her best chance is to accept it from the most powerful boy she knows, Liam Monroe. Using his family's position in the new government, he's poised to take it down from the inside. Trusting Liam isn't easy. Their families have hated each other for generations. But with him risking his life for Finna and the cause, she's forced to reevaluate his character -- and her feelings for him.Finna can't defeat Parlan without Liam's help, even though choosing him is tantamount to siding against her family.