My Query Letter

Actually, just the last two paragraphs. I've participated in a bunch of stuff to polish up my query of late and it has, seriously, been critiqued to the bone. I've learned something. Queries are much like manuscripts. You will not please everyone, no matter how hard you try. I've gotten so many conflicting opinions -- (Things like, "How did Finna become guardian? We need to know so we understand why she's not very powerful." VS. "How Finna became the guardian is unnecessary. Cut it. Just let us know what her responsibility is. *Ranee` runs screaming from the computer, vowing to NEVER WRITE ANOTHER QUERY AGAIN.*)

In Honor of GUTGAA: Query Critique #2

Another brave participant sends their query out into the world to be torn to pieces. Way to go!

WORLD OF SHELL AND BONE
DYSTOPIAN/SPECULATIVE FICTION (ADULT)
60,000 WORDS

Query:

In a world ravaged by a nuclear holocaust, Vika Cannon When I first read this, for some reason I thought it was a boy. Don't ask me why. Didn't realize until later that it's a woman. This thought could be of absolutely NO importance, but I thought I'd throw it in there. Ha! (Just FYI, it didn't throw me or distract me when I realized it was a girl.) knows there are no guarantees: no guarantees of safety, no guarantees that your neighbor is not actually a spy for the government, and no guarantees you’ll be allowed to emigrate to Asia, which is a person’s only chance for survival. Great hook. My only, little-tiny-nit-picky-thing is, can it be shortened?

Query Critique: In Honor of GUTGAA

So I'm participating in GUTGAA (check out the badge in the right hand sidebar for more information!) It's totally cool, a ton of help, and agents around to boot. In honor of it, I'm picking out query critiques from those of you who've submitted for Three Hundred Thursday and posting one a day for the rest of the week.

So on to courageous Victim #3

Dear Agent/Editor,

As you have successfully represented/published Awesome Author and her novel, "Really Cool Book," Or books by other authors can be in small caps: really cool book. I think you would be interested in my young adult science fiction novel EXISTENCE. Good opening. In his post on query letters, guru Nathan Bransford expounds on how important researching and personalizing is.

Seventeen-year-old Chrissie Fox can't imagine a life which that doesn't include Time Curving. She and her father have been working against Time Flyers, a group intent on changing the past to destroy the future. She's put off any thoughts of friendship or romance in order to keep her trips to the past a secret. Great hook. Small, minor, opinion on construction here. I'm totally interested in "Time Curving." I'd suggest using this opening paragraph to give me at least a hint of what it is and saving the explanation about the Time Flyers for the meat of the query.